Thursday 23rd November 2000

I suspect I didn't mention it in my early journals but way way back in time there was a flood in the bicycle shop that is beneath my apartment. They kinda traced it to the water overflow pipes, which just happened to be located behind my second bathroom wall. So yours truly had to scoot home from work one day to let in some geezers who hammered two huge holes in my wall.

After a few months of letting the thing dry out some plasterers came around and filled in the holes. A few weeks later some geezers were coming around to paint it. So on Wednesday night the chap in charge of the whole operation came around to get the key to my house so he could let the painters in.

Anyway, on this Thursday morning I awoke, bleary eyed as usual, and decided I'd go do a few hours in the office before catching my flight back to the UK. I was standing in my open front door, about to close it behind me when I decided to check that I had my keys. Well I did have them. I had the key for my cellar, the key for my post box, I even had the key for my desk. What I was sadly lacking was a key for my front door.

So that would of course be a days lost wages during which I just sat around waiting for Rich to collect me and take me to the airport.

So, I eventually arrived at the airport. Seriously laden down with bags and such stuff. Since I was flying on a commuter jet, which is jolly small, the baggage allowance is 20 kg. I had two suitcases and my snowboard. My ability to judge weights is about as good as my ability to walk past a bar without popping in for a quickie! I placed the snowboard on the weighing/conveyor thingy - the snowboard alone was 15 kg, partly because I'd stuffed the empty space in the bag with books and clothes. The check-in lady politely asked if I had anything else to check in, at which point I produced two large suitcases.

The total weight was 38 kg, the excess baggage fee is 20 DM per kg. Which should have made a grand total of 360 Deutschmarks, or roughly 110 quid!!!!! Fortunately the woman pointed to my snowboard bag and said "What's in there?". "My snowboard" was my reply. At which point everything became very cool as she told me that winter sports equipment only carried a 20 DM cost. So I managed to avoid a 360DM fine and just pay a 20DM fine - which was perfectly hoopy by me. So there you go kids, top Steeley tip - if you want to avoid excess luggage costs just throw all of your crap in a snowboard bag and claim that it's a snowboard.

Uneventful flight.

Emma was her usual efficient self and was waiting at the airport upon my arrival, although by her own admission she had only been there for a couple of minutes. Her very first act, before she even spoke to me was to hug and kiss me....now for those of you that dont know Emma she has very curly hair which seems to have a habit of wrapping itself around any metallic object. The metallic object in question this time happened to be my nose piercing. So after she finshed hugging me she jerked her head back and my nose thingy was ripped out and proceeded to fly the fuck across Manchester airport. Not one word had she uttered before flinging it haphazardly across the place. Oh well, at least my nose didn't explode in blood.

We just stayed in on Thursday night. Emma cooked and I lazed around.

Friday 24th November 2000

Emma went to work leaving me with her car. I started the day with a full on english breakfast after which I decided to ferry some of my crap from Emma's to my mums house. Chorlton to Whitefield should be a 25 minute journey. It took me 3....THREE....count them...3 fucking hours to make the journey. Firstly some asshole decided to crash on the M60, so that took a 3 lane motorway down to 1 lane. Then immediately after the crash there were roadworks....I was fuming. So I literally had to dump my stuff and leg it back to Chorlton to get my haircut. I had my haircut and then Emma returned home from work.

We just kinda mooched around for a while - had showers and then Debbie and Lee came to pick us up as we were having dinner in La Tasca, which is some Tapas place in Didsbury. The table behind the one we were sat on was occupied by Billy from Eastenders and Curly's girlfriend from Coronation Street. Hob-nobbing with the stars I tell ya! So, we had a cool meal, lots of wine and lots of laughs.

Emma and I eventually collapsed in bed at some hour and slept the sleep of zombies.

Saturday 25th November 2000

Emma and I just kinda lazed in bed watching the Ant & Dec show - those guys really do kill me! I somehow managed to coerce Emma into making me some bacon butties, which was cool. Emma and I then took a drive over to Ashton and I dropped in to meet the mother-in-law. Cool woman.

After meeting Emma's mum we went up to the Golden Lion to meet my dad and her dad. Needless to say we were late. Needless to say I took a shit load of grief over an incident that happened two weeks earlier in Brussels. Some people will know to what I refer, if you don't know then don't bother asking me, I wont tell. Jaz, you truly are a complete and utter cnut....and yes I know I mis-spelled it!!!

After being in Ashton Emma and I drove back to Chorlton, well strictly speaking Emma drove back and I sat in the passenger seat burbling as I think I may have drank a little too much Stella Artois; man I love that stuff. We ordered a taxi to take us over to Whitefield for my mums 50th birthday party at Stand cricket club.

The taxi came, picked us up and ferried us over there. Neither myself, Emma nor the taxi driver knew where this cricket club was so we had to ask a bunch of scally's. Oddly enough they gave us the correct directions. Will wonders never cease?

The party was excellent fun. I saw loads of people that I hadn't seen since coming to Germany. All my aunties and uncles were there. Sharon arrived with Dean, Mike and Jayne with Hannah in tow. Hannah is ummmmm I suppose my second cousin, as Mike is my cuz, but she will always be my niece I reckon. Such a little cutie.....and she can speak now!!!!! Pfffk, all this crap that you miss whilst living away from home.

A bunch of my mums old teaching friends turned up. Dunny was there, and a big surprise for me was the presence of Pete Cryer - haven't seen that chap for years and years. Much alcohol was consumed by all those present and I managed to suitably embarass my grandma. Earlier in the day when we were at Emma's mums house we bumped into Emma's sister, Sarah. Well she works at the place where my nan and grandad often go out for the night. Sarah told me about an incident quite recently when my nan managed to knock over a table and spill beers all over the people sat around the table. I brought this up and grandmama, bless her, turned a lovely shade of crimson!!!

Emma and I had a slight disagreement about an inconsequntial, unimportant thing, but we soon made friends again. I suppose at this point I should say "Hey Emma, I'm your boyfriend not your personal minder!!!"

I suppose looking back on it the high point of the evening could be that I didn't actually beat the crap out of Paddy. The only time when we came close to our usual conflicts would be when he told me to "Stop it". I assume he was referring to the fact that Emma and I were all over each other like a pair of love sick puppies. However, since Emma has no recollection of this it may never have happened....perhaps it was just me imagining things, or dreaming or something.

Emma and I made it home. I don't actually remember going back to Chorlton but I woke up in her bed so I would assume it happened!

Sunday 26th November 2000

Sunday took the usual shape that Sundays when Emma and I are together always do. We lay in bed watching Hollyoaks, followed by an Eastenders omnibus session. This omnibus was the one where Ian Beale was finally made bankrupt. Poor lad, but nice things happen to nice to people.....and vice-versa.

So Emma and I eventually crawled out of bed and had a bite to eat in Hardy's. Hardy's is the place near to Emma which used to be Edwards. I was a little hungry so I ordered my first of two Bangers and Mash of the day. It was shite. The sausages were harder than a teenagers prick on a first date, and if the mash was made from potato's then I am William fucking Shakespeare.

Following the dreadful food we went to watch "Billy Elliot". A tale of a north eastern lad growing up during the miners strike who ended up becoming a ballet dancer. Yeah OK, I'll be the first to admit that tears came from my eyes at various times during the plot. The film was actually quite close to home as my grandfather and my uncle Chris were miners when all this stuff was going on. Unusually for me I didn't leave the place wanting to be a ballet dancer. On the last two times leaving the cinema I wanted to be a bare knuckle boxer and a gladiator, after watching "Snatch" and "Gladiator" respectively.

Following the cinema we went back to Em's and caught the last few minutes of the Robbie Williams gig on TV. We then went out for dinner at "The Lead Station"...or at least that's what I think it was called. It was the first restaurant that Emma and I visited...well, in this particular relationship anyway....ahhh sweet sweet memories. It was here that I dined on my second portion of "Bangers and Mash" for the day. This particular version of the food of the gods was beyond comparison with the shit that I was served earlier. Thai sausages, real mashed potatoes [ laced with garlic for which Emma chastised me later ] and the most divine red wine onion gravy. Now I may not be Egon Ronay or that self obsessed plum in mouth fucking retard that hosts Masterchef but I know a good "Bangers and Mash" when I taste them...and trust me, this stuff really was the dogs bollocks.

Following the restaurant Emma and I slowly wandered down the road to the "Horse and Jockey" where we took part in the quiz. We were betting tea tokens on various things.....Emma won....I lost....I spent the remainder of my time on kettle duty!

Monday 27th November 2000

Emma must have ate something that disagreed with her as she was ill on this day...poor lamb, up and down for the entire night. She called in sick this day and I nursed her back to health with cups of tea and loving hugs. After a while she felt better and we decided that a little fresh air would do her good. I drove the two of us to Tatton park where we hoped to walk around looking at trees and ducks and stuff. What we didn't bank on was the beauracratic assholes at Tatton park deciding to close the park to the public on Mondays!!!

As a backup plan we decided to take a trip to Macclesfield forest....but we couldn't find it..... Dear Macclesfield council...I have one small suggestion....FUCKING sign posts!!!

So we happened across a public footpath that looked kinda promising, it was titled "The North Rode". We hopped out of the car and began our trek across some severely uninhabited countryside. It couldn't be described as barren or desolate, but they were certainly the feelings that I got. We didn't see another soul, which was good. What we did see was a shit load of mud, which was bad. After crossing three or four fields and eventually encountering a pond we decided that enough was enough. We decided that what was utterly needed right now was a pub lunch and a roaring fire, also a couple of beers wouldn't go amiss. On the journey over to Macclesfield we spotted a plethora of suitable country pubs, a veritable bunch of homely boozers. Sadly on the trip back we spotted none....actually that's untrue. We spotted one potentially homely pub, we stopped, and they had stopped serving food 15 minutes earlier.

We eventually found ourselves back in city centre Manchester and decided to dine at "The Woodstock" in Didsbury. Very oldy-worldy, very traditional British boozer.....roaring log fire, comfortable leather arm chairs....and they served "Bangers and Mash". Just as my eyes alighted on the food of the gods Emma, as if reading my mind, said "No". It was very much a teacher 'no'. A voice that takes you back to days gone by, sitting in school and being forbade from doing something. I took heed and plumped for a breast of chicken in a cream and mushroom sauce. It was alright, but lets face it, it didn't quite come into the league of Thai sausages with garlic mash and a red wine and onion sauce. Sometimes, just sometimes, having a teacher girlfriend is a heavy burden to carry.

We left the pub, went home, I packed...and cunningly sneaked my dirty washing into Emma's basket. Quick dash to the airport and we once again bid each other farewell. I flew back to Germany where Neil was waiting to pick me up. Neil is one of my flat mates, cool guy. This year he is competing in the Embassy snooker world cup. I wish him well, and will miss him when I finally depart these shores.

Tuesday 28th November 2000

Went into the office. Picked up 5 days worth of e-mail. Left early with Rich Sims and we went for a few beers in the "Bottle Bar", a regular haunt of ours. The evening before was the start of the Ulm Weinachtsmarkt. Or far the non German speaking heathens amongst us, the Ulm christmas market. This is a kick arse event with lots of gay little stalls selling gay stuff. However some of the stalls sell Gluhwein. This Gluhwein stuff is like a hot red wine thingy, kinda like a mulled wine in the UK. Personally I love it, everyone else seems to whine about it [ no pun intended :) ]. So Richard and I headed along to this christmas market and met up with his wife, Ligita, and her friend....ummm Ouschra or something. We drank a few Gluhweins and I tried my best to communicate with his German'ish speaking wife and her non-english - non-german speaking friend. It wasn't easy. I eventually fucked off and met up with Brian. The two of us went off to see Eric in "The Titty Twister" bar where Richard eventually arrived. Brian left, Richard and I got severely trashed on black russians.

Wednesday 29th November 2000

On Wednesday night I had to meet the building chappie that had my door key. When he gave me my key back he also wanted to have a quick chat with me. He led me to the place where the rubbish is stored and I knew exactly what was coming! In Germany you're supposed to seperate your rubbish so that recyclable stuff goes in one bag...other stuff goes in another bag and yet more stuff goes into a third bag. I could never get the hang of it so I used to just stuff everything in one bag and lob it in. Well I got busted doing this the other week by some caretaker type geezer. So my building chappie started explaining all this stuff to me - I told him he was wasting his time as I was leaving in a week. He just said "Well don't do it again". Jesus! Germans!

So after my run in with the garbage police I had a quick drink in Cafe Moritz before wandering down to Murphy's to meet up with Stuart. We drank a couple of pints of Guiness and wandered up to the Weinachtsmarkt. At the market we met up with the two Richards, Rene, Britta, John, Nats and Patrick. Drank a few Gluhweins with Amaretto, before going our seperate ways. Rich, Stuart and I went to Capo's for more beer while the rest of them went off for a curry.

Somehow got home, but I really have no idea how!!!

Thursday 29th November 2000

The day when most of this journal was created. Emma was flying in for the weekend so after work I caught the train to Stuttgart. Whilst I was at Ulm station I realised the ticket I had for the train was only valid for the RE train...which I wasn't happy about. I wasn't happy for two reasons, firstly because it meant I would be late for Emma, secondly because it didn't have an on-board bar.

I decided to sack the RE and jump onto an IC train that had just pulled in. When the guy came around inspecting tickets I just buried my head in my laptop and ignored him. I suppose he must have thought he'd already inspected me because he didn't harass me at all, which was good. If he had inspected my ticket he would have moaned at me for a while and then forced me to purchase a supplement ticket.