Preamble

I sit here on a Saturday afternoon writing this dribble, although I haven't wrote anything for the past two months I will of course just be detailing the past week.

I suppose I should begin this journal with some sort of an explanation to the title reference of alcoholic. As you can see the journals section has been somewhat sparse recently, pretty much due to my inability to focus on a keyboard during the times I spend at home - I make a somewhat passable job at it in the office but evening time is simply a big no-no. For the past couple of months I thought I'd try an experiment which was titled "Severely heavy drinking: does it really screw your life up?".

I think a lot of the problem had to do with Eva. What I didn't realise at the time when I was having my "keeping my trousers attached to my body when Eva wasn't around problem" is that Eva, like all my other girlfriends I suppose, was a steadying influence upon my life. When she left I got kind of bored. Bored with Germany, bored with work, bored with life in general.

I didn't really have anything to focus on - so what does one do when one finds oneself in such a situation. Well in my case I'd do a bulk buy of alcohol at the supermarket and clink-clink-clink all the way home - or go down the boozer of course. This was OK for a while, a night in with the delightful Miss Chardonnay - or an evening of high jinks with Mr Jack Daniels was, in my somewhat deluded state, a perfectly acceptable way of spending one's life, brain cells and liver functionality.

However, events kind of took over - now if I may digress for a little while here......

I have a theory about myself, it's a theory which is pretty much accepted in Psychological circles and relates to the effects that the moon has on the human state of mind. The moon as we all know, is a lunar object thingy, which is why scientists have given the name of "lunatic" to nutters. It's because insane people were generally much much crazier at certain times of a lunar month. Be it full moon or no moon I really don't know, maybe it's different for different people.

Well, I have noticed it in myself, Eva has noticed and both Vicki and Jen observed - that once a month I generally lose the plot a little and drink for England. I would awake demanding a drink, drink all day, have a bit of a session in the evening until I fell over - and repeat the process the next day. So this is when I really lose the plot alcohol wise and I'm pretty sure it occured at its peak on Tuesday 25th May. You guys can check the lunar state then if you like, I really can't be arsed. So anyway the Monday before this was a big celebration in Ulm and a few of us went out and got battered. I awoke on the Tuesday with a raging hangover and decided that in order to straighten myself out I should have a quick sip of wine, which turned into me finishing the bottle, which became a new bottle and a day off work.

Of course, I'd started so I finished. The whole day was a drinking session that George Best would have been proud of. Subsequently I woke up on Wednesday and decided that in order to straighten myself.........Oliver Reed is rolling in his grave right now.

So I awoke on Thursday, and finally realising I had to do something to break this circle I went into work to sort myself out. During this 48 hour period lots of people rang me, concerned about my welfare, and lots of people became very worried about me.

This is kinda when I decided that I should sort myself out a little. I've spent the past week trying, but not succeeding to do it, and only today do I feel better about the whole situation, and I have a theory about why this is [ see later ] Anyway.....on with the show.

Monday 31st July 2000

I had a car hired for the last weekend and thus made my way to work with a somewhat raging hangover. Standard bullshit day in the office where I managed to achieve absolutely nothing.

Monday is the traditional night when Richard and I will go out for a few beers after work. We generally do try to keep it to just a few beers as one must try to write a bit of code in the office the next day. So Rich and I had a couple of quiet beers, then David and Mark arrived, so I had a couple more. It felt like every time I was about to go home and eat, somebody else would turn up. Tony arrived, Mark left, Bryan and Neil arrived and then Tony left. Bryan and Neils friend [ Andy I think ] was driving down to Ulm to meet up with them, but Andy didn't know Ulm and so had to be directed in via mobile phone. The battery on Neils phone was flat so I agreed that they could give him my mobile number. This of course meant that I had to wait around until Andy arrived, and then it would be rude to leave without saying hello.

Neil and I played pool for a while, I won with a lot of good luck going my way and bad luck going his, and I eventually got home at maybe 1am - absolutely bladdered!

Tuesday 1st August 2000

As I was so bladdered the night before I was still drunk when I arrived in the office. I decided that in this condition I wasn't really able to do anything too productive for Nokia so turned to the Lufthansa web site to search for flights that would get Aggy and I over to Phoenix to indulge in some sky-diving, pop down to Mexico, and spend some time water ski-ing off the back of Jasons newly acquired speedboat.

I found a decent set of flights for the two of us, and was about to book it when I realised that the credit card number that Lufthansa had for me was pretty much maxed out following my Sydney flight booking. Then I realised that the credit card I was going to use was at home and that I didn't know the number for it. The booking would have to wait until the next day.

I also decided that 6am was far too late for Jason to be sleeping in Phoenix and called him to make sure my planned itinierary was cool by him. Hey - how was I to know he was working from home that day and didn't need to be up for four hours? Am I supposed to be a mind reader or something?

I also decided that in my current state that I couldn't face the shite that is served up in the works canteen and managed to persuade some of my friends that what was needed was lunch in the chinese restaurant. This having the added bonus that they served alcohol. So we went, I ordered a glass of wine, a beer, and probably some food just to be social. Ate, drank and left. Got bored in the office, left early, and fell into the arms of my girlfriend - Miss Chardonnay, she's Australian. Guzzled some wine, drank a little G&T, and then went to the bowling alley where I was crap as usual. Fortunately Messrs Gin and Tonic were there to console me. Got home, and cuddled up with George, my well travelled, stuffed gorilla, who has a penchant for banana milkshakes.

Wednesday 2nd August 2000

The Lufthansa web site was able to give itinerarys but not make bookings - so I still couldn't make the booking for Phoenix

This day Eva was working in Ulm so I left work early and she came over, we chatted for a while, I gave her a few bits and pieces and she dropped me off at the train station before she went to work.

I caught the train up to Frankfurt. The reason I went to Frankfurt on a Wednesday evening is that Jaz and Ryan were both in Frankfurt for a few days and neither of them were working the following day. Ryan was flying out to New Orleans and Jaz was flying back to London.

We all met at the train station, ate Korean food, drank wine and planned the night ahead. Since it was a Wednesday we knew that "Dorien Grays" nightclub in the airport was doing one of these "All you can drink for 25DM before 1am" thingies. So we decided to go there. Predictably the place was heaving and the bar staff were few and far between. Subsequently, we decided that since we were there to get drunk, not save money, that we'd go to the quiet "pay-bar" and get trashed. This we didn't really succeed in doing. We had a few drinks in the pay bar and then fought our way back to the free bar for some more - but due to an understandable management policy of not wanting to give away too many drinks, the drinks simply didn't come quick enough.

We were all tired so we decided quite wisely to go home and sleep. We were all crashing in Ryans room. Jaz flaked out as soon as he hit the bed, and began snoring. It was really quite amusing - every time he took a breath in...at the high point of his breath in...a little "parp" would escape from between his legs. This happened for a while but I wasn't convinced, I though it was maybe just a noise coming from his nose or throat or something. However he then took a deep breath and let rip the noisiest bottom burp I've heard in a while. Well, that convinced me. It also convinced Ryan who happened to be sharing the bed with him that he should give him a good kick in the ribs. So I went to sleep on the sofa relatively sobre, sniggering at those two arguing.

Thursday 3rd August 2000

Since Ryan was flying out to New Orleans very early he left me the key and I said I'd check out for him. He left and I slept until about 9am. Jaz and I then got ready and went down to the hotel reception to pay Ryan's bill. Ryan gave me 50DM to cover his mini-bar and telephone tab....since Lufthansa should have been paying for the hotel room.

So I got down to reception and handed over the key and said I wanted to check out. She told me the bill was four hundred and forty two Deutschmarks. With a wry smile I knew that Ryan had stitched me up, but I also knew he would pay me back in the future so I just smiled. The lady asked me how I was paying, and that's when the fun began.

"I'll pay by EC card I think" said I, handing over the card.
tippety tap, tippety tap went the woman on the keyboard.
"Errrrrrrrrr, ummmmmmm" went the woman tippety tapping.
"Oooooops" muttered I beneath my breath.
"Could I see your passport" asked the tippety tapper.
"No" said I.
"I don't have it as I live in Ulm" I explained.
"Errrrrrr" said the woman as a confused look settled itself on her face and a colleague joined her.
Jaz backed away and tried to distance himself from the growing "situation".
"Oh I see the problem" I explained. "I'm not Ryan Larkin, he has a flight today. I'm checking out for him"

Anyway the woman seemed satisfied by this, I showed her my Nokia ID as photo ID and she gave me the bill and I prepared to leave.

"Could you tell me where the shuttle to the airport is" I said.
"It's right there outside the door, waiting just for you" she replied somewhat sarcastically.
"Ah, thank you" I replied with a smile.
"Thank you for staying at the Novotel" came the even more sarcastic comment from reception.
"Thank you. The pleasure was all mine" was my reply, as I gave her a smile that said "We all know I crashed in your hotel last night which is probably against every regulation in your book".

So Jaz and I went to Frankfurt, he didn't fly until 3.30pm so we had a few beers in town. Had a chat. 2pm came, I jumped on the train back to Ulm and he took the S-bahn to the airport and flew home.

On the way back to Ulm I thought for a while, and decided that for the past few weeks I had constantly been trying to get Eva back. I realised that this was the cause of some of my depression. I thought about the times we'd seen each other, and the conversations that we'd had. I also realised that as Eva was aware that I'd been sleeping with Anke that she would never trust me again. As she would never trust me again I therefore realised that I'd never have her back. Just as this thought struck me I decided that it was OK, that perhaps I didn't want her back in that way. I pretty much concluded that everything would be cool, and probably better, if we just remained friends. With this decision it seemed a whole weight was lifted from my shoulders. I decided that I'd just get on with my life, act like a tart for a while and generally have fun - but without drinking so much - anyway, now that this niggling worry had left me I really didn't feel the need to drink to excess anymore.

I think this was the point when the experiment in "Extreme drinking" was concluded. From this moment on I've felt much happier with myself and really don't need to reach for the bottle when the alarm clock rings.

Friday 4th August 2000

An old friend from days gone by, Richard Hill, was in Ulm this day as he had an interview with Siemens. By all accounts the interview was a success and he may be soon returning here. Which is good news. After work a few of us met up, had a few beers and then went to John Bentons for dinner. Generally had a laugh about Richard Sims' upcoming doom in his marriage with Ligita and caught up on old times. The usual "Yorkshire bastard" comments were coming from me, "Fucking Rentboy" comments coming from Richard Hill. Just like old times really. Anyway, had dinner, went to Alexandra's where sadly the beautiful Bianca wasn't working [ I suspect she is the next victim!!!! ] and then popped over to Murphys as Richard Hill hadn't been there for a long time.

Got to bed relatively sobre, thanks to a huge meal in "John Bentons", and it was also relatively early.

Saturday 5th August 2000

Awoke quite early, maybe 9am'ish. Opened the shutters and threw open the windows onto quite a miserable day. I then lay in bed for a couple of hours finishing my current book - "Snow White and the Seven Samurai" by Tom Holt.

"Dazzling" Time Out
"Wildly imaginative" New Scientist
"Frothy, fast and funny" Scotland on Sunday <- Editors note: Who the fuck are "Scotland on Sunday"??????
"Scrotum splittingly hilarious." Steeley.

If you get a chance, read it.

Anyway, finished the book - slept a while longer and then went to the supermarket, where amazingly I purchased no alcohol - which really is a first for me. I then did some paperwork, cleaned my kitchen, ate lunch and began writing the epic that you have just endured reading for the past twenty minutes. Now I shall pour myself a celebratory Vodka/Coke for finally getting around to writing this journal and tonight I will watch that movie where Danny DeVito is a teacher in the US army which is on RTL - this will of course improve my German since it's in German and I'll be watching it armed with a dictionary. If this gets too much for me then I will resort to "Big Daddy" on DVD, as the last time I saw it I was trashed - back in the bad old days.

Tomorrow I will awake early [SNIGGER] and set about overhauling this piece of shit web-site, getting linux to recognise my ISDN card and generally being a healthy [GRRNNNK], well adjusted [SMIRK], looking forward to the future, little boy.

Sunday 6th August 2000

Well I didn't do too badly.

I did awake early.
I didn't quite manage to overhaul the web site....as you can see.
I didn't get it to recognise my ISDN card but at least linux can now see the two PCMCIA cards, even though it only recognises the ethernet adapter.
I was a healthy little boy. Nothing but tea, good food and lots of relaxation for me.

So 2 out of 4 ho-hum. That will be all until next week...yeah right, of course I'll do an update in 1 weeks time.

Actually, I've been thinking of doing a statistics page.....

Days since last shag 10.
Days since last alcohol 1.
Days since last cigarette 0.

Maybe.